V Day decor.

I usually don't go all out for valentines, but boredom took over and I made a few things to 

decorate the house. 

I love creating things, and making the house a little more decorative.

 I just love the simplicity of it all. And the girls think it's cute. :)

Lost, and not found.

So I've lost my wedding ring which included the band. Plus I also lost my promise ring Greg gave to me in 2005. Words cannot describe how upset I am at this moment. And the most irritating thing is, I seriously cannot remember what I did. Last Saturday I went to a bridal shower with my mom, but I didn't take off my rings. I thought I remembered putting lotion on in my mom's car but they said I didn't and they looked, but didn't find them. After that day I was sick and the girls were sick so that whole week we didn't go anywhere. We stayed home all week long. I always put my rings on my night stand, but they weren't there. So we looked in my closet, under our bed, in and under the nightstands, and dressers. We've looked in the Girls' room under their beds, in their closet, and dresser. We looked in The bathrooms, laundry room, under the washer and dryer, in the washer and dryer. We looked through all the girls' toys. In our desk, Under cushions and couches. Greg went and took the bathroom sink traps off and looked their. We looked through the kitchen. I even went and looked through all our garbage... GROSS. And no luck. I really have no idea where they could be. I'm very sad and really mad at myself for losing them. I really don't know where else to look. I hope we find them, but it's not looking to good.

 I really loved my rings. And I don't want a replacement. I want them both back!

I looked to see if they had my wedding ring where we bought them, but they don't sell it anymore. Makes me want to cry, more, just talking about them.

Flawless?

As much as I would love to say I'm flawless, I'm not. I have flaws as much as the next person, maybe even more. But isn't that why we are here? To prefect ourselves? To learn from mistakes. To grow and mature and take our mistakes and flaws a figure out how to improve them, how to better ourselves.

One of my flaws is that I am comfortable where I am, and as much as I like change, I have a hard time admitting that I need to change. Not that I'm scared of what the out come would be, but simply because I am comfortable. And to have to go out and serve others and get out of my comfort zone would require effort...

Which brings me to another flaw. Laziness. I am lazy. I mean, I clean my house I play with my kids, laundry is always done and my kids are happy. But that's not the type of laziness I am talking about. I am lazy with having to get out and help. To lazy to do visiting teaching, too lazy to attend certain activities, not just church activities, but family activities. If I don't feel like doing something I simply wont do it. What's the point... cause I'm comfortable.

Another flaw... and I think this has a big impact with service, activities, etc... is I am shy. I am shy when meeting new people. I don't know what to say, how to act. When I meet new people I don't know if it's safe to be myself, for fear of offending someone, rejection, judgment, etc... When I do make good friends I am outgoing, and can be myself and I could careless of rejection, because I know it's okay to be myself. But it's a huge mountain for me to climb in order to get to that point. I stay at home all day with two kids (4 and 2) All I know is what barney taught that day and what color blue and yellow will make when mixed. (Well I've learned that when I was in elementary school, but you get the point). So when it comes time to big crowds I sort of have a little anxiety not knowing how to act, or what to say. So I always come across awkward.

I see my flaws. I know what they are. But it's so hard to overcome them. Maybe that's why I am having such a rough go. It's not other people. It's myself. Maybe this is the lesson I needed to learn for myself so I can start progressing in life. So I can start to better myself. And as easy is it is to say: I'm just gonna go for it and jump in feet first, I know that that's not me. It's going to take some time and Strength and Courage.


So here's to hoping that I can at least get my feet wet and start perfecting my flaws.

Growing frustration

A while ago I wrote a post about being stuck in a situation that I thought I'd never be in. I asked if doing the right thing, when I hate it, is still the right thing to do. Well after I wrote that I promised my self that I would change my attitude and try to not be so negative. So I tried and guess what.... I'm still stuck.

I'm afraid that I will have to clarify a bit so you're not so lost as to what I am talking about.  I also would like to add that I never meant for this blog to have any whining or complaining on it. My other reason for being so hesitant is because a couple of ward members read my blog...

So here it goes.....

Greg and I moved into this ward in 2007. We lived with my sister and Brother-in-law in a two bedroom apartment. During that time I was pregnant and Greg was working at Pepsi, therefore not allowing him to attend church. I went to church with my sister, but as soon as I went I didn't feel welcomed. No one greeted me, No one asked whom I was, no one even bothered. Now being pregnant and hormonal I brushed it off and ignored my feelings. But the more I went the less I felt the spirit. So I stopped going. Then a certain person and her family kind of took it upon themselves to sit next to me in R.S. and invited me to sit with them in Sacrament. Okay so this made it easier to go. Then We had Aliesha... I had to have an emergency C-Section. First ever surgery, first ever pregnancy and I was barley 19! At home all of our stuff was so disorganized due to my sister and her husband moving out  and then us having a baby nothing was organized. Greg and a friend went and moved all the stuff in it's proper place and organized a little before I came home... As I was preparing to come home for the first time in 4 days I was scared and in very bad pain! We received no dinners from the ward, no help, no calls or visits to say congratulations.... absolutely nothing! 

Where our ward boundaries lay bangeter highway sits in the middle... and that is known in our ward as "The Great Divide" I would like to give it a more proper name to which people really treat is as. "The Berlin wall" or even "The Great Wall of China." These people think that if they cross Bangeter they are in enemy territory! Therefore Women don't come over here unless their husbands accompany them. My Husband works Two jobs leaving me 4 days out of the week to be here by myself all day. I'm still alive, I've never felt threatened. I understand that this neighborhood is a little rough around the edges and there is not one house, it's all apartments. There are a lot of non-members who live in the neighborhood. I don't know I just don't get why we are treated like crap cause of where we live. And I know it bothers some people, where we live, cause they've even tried getting us to move into houses, as they've said, "On the other side, with the rest of the ward." Wow well since when am I not apart of this ward? I am within the boundaries. We come Sunday's we have callings....

After a year of living in the one apartments the family who helped me by inviting me to sacrament and R.S asked if we would like to become managers for their four-plex. It was in the same neighborhood just up the street from where we were. We said sure that would be nice. The apartment was fully remodeled and really nice :) As we were preparing to move out guess what.... NO ONE HELPED! Only the family and one of his friends.... After we moved Greg got a new job that allowed him to go to church. He has held a couple of callings but it was really tough to fulfill his callings with two jobs to work.   The other day Greg got a text about having to go help a lady move! Well he has work. He has two jobs. So he couldn't make it.... Then you get a ton of Men in elders quorum always saying we need to help people move be here at this time... Then they don't show? Hmm.

Since in that ward I have held 3 callings. First was Y.W. Then it was Primary. Now it's a R.S teacher. YW was okay.  I enjoyed the girls, but I didn't stay for long, after a year in YW I was put in the Primary as a 2nd Counselor, then 1st counselor. I thought the presidency was good. But people had other thoughts that they shared about us. That calling lasted a year and now I'm a R.S teacher... have been since 4 months and have not taught once.

Greg and I would go to church and sit in a seat and if you sat in someones seat you would get horrible looks, and then that person automatically hates you? So we moved, but the spot was too small. but we were afraid of what would happen again if we took another persons seat... This ward loves to save seats. During the 9 O' Clock hour, before the people would go to their classes (We have sacrament last) they would go save their seats! It was really annoying. And trust me I have heard some horror stories about what happens when you take certain peoples seats. It's absolutely ridiculous!



When we had Kenz I had another C-Section. We received one dinner, no help, no visits to come see the baby (Other than the three who came to deliver the dinner.) Then you hear about another birth in the ward and people are swarming over to their house, and swooning them with food, and gifts and I see all this love and kindness. And once again makes me wonder what I am doing wrong.

We have never once felt welcomed into this ward. We have few friends that we talk to. and only have ONE family who is not scared to cross "The Berlin Wall" and who actually wholeheartedly cares for my families well being. It saddens me every time when I walk in to R.S and I feel out of place and if one lady isn't There I often sit a lone. and it's not like I don't try to make an effort to sit next to some one. One specific day I chose to sit next to some ladies. So I sat in their particular row that they usually sit in... As they walked in I greeted them with a smile. Not one returned it. Then they passed the row and sat in a different row! I was so hurt. But I didn't want it to distract from the lesson so I just brushed it off. But it still hurt. I have never been treated this way. I have always made easy friends. And Greg has also.

What are we doing to make these people so rude? It's really bad when you wake up every Sunday morning and try to think of ways to get out of going to the ward. There are Sundays where we go to Greg's parents or my parents just so we can enjoy going. I will not ever stop going to Church because of the people. That would be unfair to my girls and unfair to my spirit. But if I am having a better time and actually feeling welcomed then I will choose to go to a different ward despite where I live. I know going to our ward is the right thing to do, but I HATE IT!

Any suggestions as to what I can do to myself that will make these people like me and my family more?  Any comments as to why the ward is the way it is? And should I just stop going to this ward because I am sick of coming home every time almost in tears and on some days in tears because of the way we are treated?

Honestly it's people like these that cause others to go inactive and hate the Church!!!! I'm just glad that Greg and I have a strong testimony and are able to fight through this.

And if you actually read through all of this I apologize for such a negative and depressing post. I just don't know what to do anymore. Cause I am really sick of it. and I am really done. So it's either I sit back and keep being treated like this, or say something so that the ward is aware of how hard it is to come to this ward.