Flawless?

As much as I would love to say I'm flawless, I'm not. I have flaws as much as the next person, maybe even more. But isn't that why we are here? To prefect ourselves? To learn from mistakes. To grow and mature and take our mistakes and flaws a figure out how to improve them, how to better ourselves.

One of my flaws is that I am comfortable where I am, and as much as I like change, I have a hard time admitting that I need to change. Not that I'm scared of what the out come would be, but simply because I am comfortable. And to have to go out and serve others and get out of my comfort zone would require effort...

Which brings me to another flaw. Laziness. I am lazy. I mean, I clean my house I play with my kids, laundry is always done and my kids are happy. But that's not the type of laziness I am talking about. I am lazy with having to get out and help. To lazy to do visiting teaching, too lazy to attend certain activities, not just church activities, but family activities. If I don't feel like doing something I simply wont do it. What's the point... cause I'm comfortable.

Another flaw... and I think this has a big impact with service, activities, etc... is I am shy. I am shy when meeting new people. I don't know what to say, how to act. When I meet new people I don't know if it's safe to be myself, for fear of offending someone, rejection, judgment, etc... When I do make good friends I am outgoing, and can be myself and I could careless of rejection, because I know it's okay to be myself. But it's a huge mountain for me to climb in order to get to that point. I stay at home all day with two kids (4 and 2) All I know is what barney taught that day and what color blue and yellow will make when mixed. (Well I've learned that when I was in elementary school, but you get the point). So when it comes time to big crowds I sort of have a little anxiety not knowing how to act, or what to say. So I always come across awkward.

I see my flaws. I know what they are. But it's so hard to overcome them. Maybe that's why I am having such a rough go. It's not other people. It's myself. Maybe this is the lesson I needed to learn for myself so I can start progressing in life. So I can start to better myself. And as easy is it is to say: I'm just gonna go for it and jump in feet first, I know that that's not me. It's going to take some time and Strength and Courage.


So here's to hoping that I can at least get my feet wet and start perfecting my flaws.